I Must Smell Good
Monday, February 25th, 2008I get on the express bus and there’s nobody, I mean nobody, on the bus. Usually the bus is so crammed that faces are pressed against the glass and the doors can’t close. Today, no one. Like a scene out of I Am Legend. A sign of the end of the world.
A lady rushes on right before the doors close. She gets a good whack ‘cause she wasn’t quick enough. I can almost hear the bus driver cackle with glee.
She is a larger lady, wearing a puffy, down filled jacket. The cheap kind. That drop feathers everywhere. Making office elevator floors look like cock fight rings.
She hustles to the back of the bus, where two other passengers and I are sitting. I’m sitting comfortably unaware in a two seater, looking out the window, content to find some happiness in an otherwise taxing Monday.
There are empty seats everywhere. This newcomer can have her pick. Front, middle, back. Whatever tickles her fancy.
Where does she sit?
Right beside me in the two seater.
My mouth falls open. I look at the lady behind me to verify this really happened. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
That means… it did.
No freakin’ way. I am now being blocked in by packages and a purse too large for airport carry on. All of it piled up on her lap.
I ask to get by her. She looks at me like I’m the one who is insane. She huffs, finally swinging her legs out into the aisle, thinking that extra half inch really makes a difference.
I make my escape, moving to an empty two seater.
There are now four of us at the back of the bus. At least six rows of seats.
At the first stop, a thin slice of an Asian girl gets on. She floats to the back of the bus, drifting by some empty two seaters.
Where does she sit?
Beside me.